Daddy’s Disclaimer

I want to make a disclaimer about my posts. Specifically about my better half.

My wife and I have a unique relationship. One that is not your typical spousal relationship. Do you remember the Costanzas? The ones from Seinfeld? Not necessarily George Costanza. I’m talking about his parents. Estelle and Frank Constanza as played by Estelle Harris and Jerry Stiller?

That’s pretty much us.

If you’re too young (alternatively think that I’m too old) then think Frank and Marie Barone, the parents from Everybody loves Raymond.

We have one of those unique contemptuous relationships that only someone on the inside can understand. It’s full of love and caring delivered in a loud, teasing, antagonistic, almost competitive package. Someone seeing us together for the first time would think our relationship was teetering on the edge. Ha ha! Got ya! Wrong! Our marriage, despite thoughts from first time observers, is pretty darn solid. Absolutely true story to follow.

A coworker of mine’s Mom was visiting from California. We had my coworker and her Mom over for dinner. As they were sitting around waiting for my wife and I to put the final touches on dinner they watched as she I worked together in the kitchen. Our verbal dueling included some of the usual bantering. I accused her of trying to give us and our guest of Ebola and she accused me of suffering from a terminal case of paranoia. I told her if she kept it up I would call immigration to come get her. She said the only reason she married me was for the green card. I told her she was really just after my American dollars. She waived her hand around the room and responded “Oh yes, what a magnificent kingdom I’m getting.”

My coworker later told me that the second they left that night her Mom turned to her and said, “Wow, most couples at least pretend to like each other.”

That is our relationship. Ever since I was a kid I always said I wanted a wife who would be waiting at home with a rolling pin when I was out too late with the boys. I got that gal. She is a firecracker and probably the only woman in the world who can keep my massive bloated ego in check. She is everything I wanted and everything I need in a wife. I don’t want some mousy little submissive “yes” woman. I would be bored out of my mind if I was married to someone who always agreed with me. I need someone who can take as well as she can give. I need someone to be an Abbott to my Costello, Marie to my Frank, and Estelle to my Frank.

We went out to dinner recently with some of her coworkers. After some bantering her freind leaned over and asked, “Is everything OK? Did y’all have a fight?”. What her coworkers apparently didn’t notice was that under the table we were holding hands.

I love her deeply and sincerely. She is my soulmate. She is the ONE. There is no one in the world I would rather spend my life with.

Where I am going with this is that I want to make sure no one gets the wrong idea about my wife. I love her and need her. My posts and my comments (specifically comments about her) should be taken into context. I hope she doesn’t come across as a bitch or mean spirited. She’s neither. Remember that no matter what it seems like on the service, under the table we’re holding hands.

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