And the winner is…..

Me. I’m the winner. Thursday night at 2117 I won a whole new life. My son was born. After 10 years of trying, after 6 failed IUI cycles, after 2 IVF cycles, after tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatments, after a miscarriage, after a truly surprising pregnancy, after a very close call with losing the baby, after a very difficult pregnancy, after a last minute panic to get everything done, after surreal excitement, after a long induced labor with drama, conflict, and a difficult choice my son was born. Healthy. My wife delivered. Healthy.

I won something that for decades had alluded me. I won something I had at times lost hope in achieving. I won a new life. I won. From that moment at 2117 two nights ago my life became ultimately different. The number one thing I’ve been told my fathers is that “Everything changes.” Vague, cryptic, ambiguous but how true. I saw the changing tide coming in even before my son’s birth. When my coworkers through a surprise baby shower for me (a dude) all I could think of afterwards was how much of a grinch I’ve been through the years and now I want to share and contribute to everyone else’s joy so they could feel what I did when a room full of people shouted surprise. I found myself watching YouTube videos about fetal development and being genuinely excited about picking out a jogging stroller. I found myself oohing and ahhing over super hero onesies at the store. I was in full blown metamorphosis shifting from dude to dad the same way my son was growing from a clump of cells to a full blown human.

Just like I don’t think my son is ready to go out and get a job today neither do I think I’m fully ready to be a dad. I’m still learning. I hope I learn my dad skills with the same or faster pace than my son will learn how to be a baby. I’ve changed three dirty poopy diapers in the last 36 hours. That brings my grand lifetime total of dirty diapers changed to 3. What I’ve learned is this. No amount of YouTube videos, books, or TV shows will substitute actually doing the real thing. There will be mistakes and foul ups. I guess the important thing is to learn from those mistakes.

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7 Responses to “And the winner is…..”

  1. The Jogging Dad Says:

    My sincerest congratulations! Btw, don’t worry, no one is ready to be a dad … and that’s why it’s such an adventure!

  2. LisaLovesToWrite Says:

    Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt awe and helping me understand a “dude to dad” perspective. (Consider printing a copy for your son’s memory book!)

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